We may feel a need to deny the person who we sometimes become because of the feelings and emotions that come into our hearts and minds unasked, as a consequence of our social interactions.
As an individual, we may seldom feel the need to repress our emotions, but as a person interacting with a family or as a friend, we may feel awkward or ashamed to give expression to these emotions, and rightly so too, as it is an emotional cauldron we drown in every time we step out to mix and mingle with people and it’s impractical to say everything we feel or think or carry all emotions to a logical end.
Yesterday, I talked about how it has helped me to confront some of these feelings and instincts rather than try to deny their existence, or avoid recognizing them for what they are.
At various times – at work, meetings, social gatherings, even within the four walls holding our intimate family – we find our thoughts, feelings, words, actions not being in sync with each other. Hypocrisy may have to be practiced in the interest of diplomacy, more often than we would like.
But a little bit of pragmatism, some creative thinking and courage can help loosen the grip of external forces on our psyche.
To go back to the examples I discussed yesterday (See post titled Family, friends, feelings), if I were Ney and I find myself envying my best friend, who is engaged to a person apparently more desirable than my husband – better groomed, more handsome, eloquent – I would first recognise my feeling for what it is. I would accept that I am envious. That’s the first step. And it needs pragmatism and courage to face the fact and accept the weakness.
After fully absorbing the fact that I am capable of feeling jealous of my best friend, that I am capable of feeling somewhat ashamed of my husband, that I am capable of feeling desire for another man, and so on and so forth, then, perhaps, I would try to counsel myself about the best way to conquer or overcome these emotions. Maybe I’d also try to convince my husband to go to a better salon or boutique or read How to Win Friends and Influence People or enrol for a public speaking course.
We need to be hypocrites, perhaps, in the interest of smooth functioning of relationships, but at least we can be true to our individual selves and see ourselves for what we are. While practicing duality, we can, at least, desist from self-delusion?
Because, only when we confront ourselves as we are can we do whatever is necessary to become the better person that we think we are or would like to be.